Love/Hate

Hate/Love

I never thought to say good bye, I never thought you'd leave my side.
I never thought to ask how you feel tonight.
Oblivious to the smell, Oblivious to the pain, Since 11 it was the same.
I always felt i hated you, except at night curled up next to you.
Fast asleep so not to make to cry.
Half the time i hated your touch,
I hated when you looked at me, disbelief in your eyes.
Such funny ways you had.
I never thought to appolagize, I never thought to ask why.
I never thought my cynical ways could blind me of your love.
I hated what you did for me, I hated what you put yourself through.
I hate the fact that i forgot to say i love you, upon Christmas Day.
I hate the fact that i didn't make your eyes light up with a corny handmade card.
Come to think of it, i think i hated myself more than i hated you.
I hated that you never knew me, I hate that you never accepted me.
I never thought to look deeper, I never thought i'd lose you.
I never thought i'd admit that i truely loved you.

To my mom...written on the day she died. 12-27-02