Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sweet Nightmare
Kill me softly, bleed me slow, Consume me whole. feel the room grow cold. Take my soul, break my shell, hear my heart's last beats. Listen close to my last breath, don't leave me to die alone. Close your eyes so not to see my pale lips try to move, the saddness in my eyes. My back now arched,ribs exposed, wings unfolding below: my heart is finally yours. Take pride in my decease for my story shall not be told. Lips sewn shut, your fate is now sealed.
Love/Hate
Hate/Love
I never thought to say good bye, I never thought you'd leave my side.
I never thought to ask how you feel tonight.
Oblivious to the smell, Oblivious to the pain, Since 11 it was the same.
I always felt i hated you, except at night curled up next to you.
Fast asleep so not to make to cry.
Half the time i hated your touch,
I hated when you looked at me, disbelief in your eyes.
Such funny ways you had.
I never thought to appolagize, I never thought to ask why.
I never thought my cynical ways could blind me of your love.
I hated what you did for me, I hated what you put yourself through.
I hate the fact that i forgot to say i love you, upon Christmas Day.
I hate the fact that i didn't make your eyes light up with a corny handmade card.
Come to think of it, i think i hated myself more than i hated you.
I hated that you never knew me, I hate that you never accepted me.
I never thought to look deeper, I never thought i'd lose you.
I never thought i'd admit that i truely loved you.
To my mom...written on the day she died. 12-27-02
I never thought to say good bye, I never thought you'd leave my side.
I never thought to ask how you feel tonight.
Oblivious to the smell, Oblivious to the pain, Since 11 it was the same.
I always felt i hated you, except at night curled up next to you.
Fast asleep so not to make to cry.
Half the time i hated your touch,
I hated when you looked at me, disbelief in your eyes.
Such funny ways you had.
I never thought to appolagize, I never thought to ask why.
I never thought my cynical ways could blind me of your love.
I hated what you did for me, I hated what you put yourself through.
I hate the fact that i forgot to say i love you, upon Christmas Day.
I hate the fact that i didn't make your eyes light up with a corny handmade card.
Come to think of it, i think i hated myself more than i hated you.
I hated that you never knew me, I hate that you never accepted me.
I never thought to look deeper, I never thought i'd lose you.
I never thought i'd admit that i truely loved you.
To my mom...written on the day she died. 12-27-02
Hard to believe I was only 16...
Nothing to do but love
6-5-02~ 2:32 am
Your love like the kiss of death, you bring out the best and worst in me.
Confusion sets in as my emotions swirl out of control.
Want to die, want to cry. Try to live, try to win.
Put aside my plans all for you. Put aside my struggle all for you.
All for you, nothing to do but love.
Hating you, Loving you. You keep me alive, i hate that about you.
Want to be cold, but to you i must hold. I must try, I must die.
Pain so overwhelming, feel so loved, feel so used.
About to explode, nothing to do but love.
Try again, cry again. Love more, hurt more.
Like an addiction you remain in me, coursing through me.
No escape. no way out. There's no turning back.
My heart cries, my soul fades.All for you...all for you.
Nothing to do but love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R.I.P.
6-5-02~ 2:40 am
Your eyes so loving, such a lie. Why won't you die?
Leave me be to rest in peace.
You cry for me so would you die for me?
Want to run but your love and promises always find me.
Look the door and throw away the key. i don't want to be free.
Leave me be to rest in peace.
Your words, your actions. So believable, too real.
Too good to be true, such trickery.
No more, please no more.
Let me die, let me go. Burn me and kill my soul.
Use me, abuse me. Make me hate you. Please kill this love.
Pain, Anger, Passion, Lies. Love me not, Kill me now.
Brush me away like a fly, make me want to die.
End it now and take a bow. Smile big and go on.
Leave me be to rest in peace, eternally.
6-5-02~ 2:32 am
Your love like the kiss of death, you bring out the best and worst in me.
Confusion sets in as my emotions swirl out of control.
Want to die, want to cry. Try to live, try to win.
Put aside my plans all for you. Put aside my struggle all for you.
All for you, nothing to do but love.
Hating you, Loving you. You keep me alive, i hate that about you.
Want to be cold, but to you i must hold. I must try, I must die.
Pain so overwhelming, feel so loved, feel so used.
About to explode, nothing to do but love.
Try again, cry again. Love more, hurt more.
Like an addiction you remain in me, coursing through me.
No escape. no way out. There's no turning back.
My heart cries, my soul fades.All for you...all for you.
Nothing to do but love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R.I.P.
6-5-02~ 2:40 am
Your eyes so loving, such a lie. Why won't you die?
Leave me be to rest in peace.
You cry for me so would you die for me?
Want to run but your love and promises always find me.
Look the door and throw away the key. i don't want to be free.
Leave me be to rest in peace.
Your words, your actions. So believable, too real.
Too good to be true, such trickery.
No more, please no more.
Let me die, let me go. Burn me and kill my soul.
Use me, abuse me. Make me hate you. Please kill this love.
Pain, Anger, Passion, Lies. Love me not, Kill me now.
Brush me away like a fly, make me want to die.
End it now and take a bow. Smile big and go on.
Leave me be to rest in peace, eternally.
Unheard
Alone in a dark void, i feel your fear
the cold numbness taking over,
thoughts racing through your mind.
Don't cry, Don't scream.
For you are not heard.
Your sanity slipping, your words are nothing to them.
Don't wish, Don't pray.
He's not listening.
No savior from above, no salvation in the skies.
Everything changes, Everything dies.
Why fight it?
No one hears, no one sees
Your pain is in vain, can't you understand?
Even with my love, i can't save you.
I can't dry your eyes,
i can't calm your fear,
i can't heal your heart.
For i am fear itself, in a way i put you there.
I Failed. Forgive me, but don't expect my love,
for i am just as broken as you. I can't save you.
On of the few published works of mine and of course its one of my most mediocre.
the cold numbness taking over,
thoughts racing through your mind.
Don't cry, Don't scream.
For you are not heard.
Your sanity slipping, your words are nothing to them.
Don't wish, Don't pray.
He's not listening.
No savior from above, no salvation in the skies.
Everything changes, Everything dies.
Why fight it?
No one hears, no one sees
Your pain is in vain, can't you understand?
Even with my love, i can't save you.
I can't dry your eyes,
i can't calm your fear,
i can't heal your heart.
For i am fear itself, in a way i put you there.
I Failed. Forgive me, but don't expect my love,
for i am just as broken as you. I can't save you.
On of the few published works of mine and of course its one of my most mediocre.
Poetry in Melody
The music flows
The beat slow and steady
An emotional rollercoaster
Fast slow fast fast slow
I move subtle at first
I immerse myself in the sound
A graceful tribute in my body’s movements
A quiet voice raises and melds into the song
Intertwined until there is no separation
My heartbeat rises and slows with the tempo
The music becomes me
The music moves me
I follow its lead until the end
Silence has never sounded so sad
The beat slow and steady
An emotional rollercoaster
Fast slow fast fast slow
I move subtle at first
I immerse myself in the sound
A graceful tribute in my body’s movements
A quiet voice raises and melds into the song
Intertwined until there is no separation
My heartbeat rises and slows with the tempo
The music becomes me
The music moves me
I follow its lead until the end
Silence has never sounded so sad
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
You
You are exactly as I imagined. I barely know you and yet my soul recognizes you.
Even if you don’t realize who I am yet. You would know if we met face to face.
There could be no doubt in your mind when you gaze into my eyes.
I am your tragedy, forever more. For now, I am but a shadow in your mind.
Only I can save your soul. I would take on them all, for you.
I would take all your pain and cherish it all the more.
Your ways attract my soul. Every quirk and every strange move you make call to me.
That luring pull that you and only you.
I am bound. I am trapped in your world. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Take me for I am already yours. I always have been. I never lost faith.
I would endure it all just to feel your lips against mine.
To have you gaze upon me with knowledge in your cold heart.
My burning desire would melt away all coherent thought.
Every logical and sane idea would merely disappear as you matched my dance.
We are untouchable, for we are tragedy itself. No harm can break us.
Come play in my world, complete me and fill me in ways others only dream of.
I would open every door, every part of me belongs to you.
Come have a taste of my dark love and consume the fires within.
Burn with me, my love. We’ll open the very gates of Hell in our passion.
For you I would travel any path.
Even if you don’t realize who I am yet. You would know if we met face to face.
There could be no doubt in your mind when you gaze into my eyes.
I am your tragedy, forever more. For now, I am but a shadow in your mind.
Only I can save your soul. I would take on them all, for you.
I would take all your pain and cherish it all the more.
Your ways attract my soul. Every quirk and every strange move you make call to me.
That luring pull that you and only you.
I am bound. I am trapped in your world. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Take me for I am already yours. I always have been. I never lost faith.
I would endure it all just to feel your lips against mine.
To have you gaze upon me with knowledge in your cold heart.
My burning desire would melt away all coherent thought.
Every logical and sane idea would merely disappear as you matched my dance.
We are untouchable, for we are tragedy itself. No harm can break us.
Come play in my world, complete me and fill me in ways others only dream of.
I would open every door, every part of me belongs to you.
Come have a taste of my dark love and consume the fires within.
Burn with me, my love. We’ll open the very gates of Hell in our passion.
For you I would travel any path.
Death of Glory
The storm rages as lightning sears the skies
The energy is electrifying and intense
The core calls, the eye beckons
Battling the winds and rains
I emerge within the maelstrom
The impossibly dense clouds surround my form
Above he flies, Far he falls
Shock reverberates through my body
His head twists towards me
The pain in his eyes drowns my soul
His tattered wings are no more than mist
The massive claws hang limp from his powerful chest
My tears are warm compared to the cold rain streaking my face
I reach for him and stop as his eyes dim
With one last triumphant roar, he thrusts his mind into mine
And I fall, sinking, floating, nothing makes sense
I'm cold yet my mind is on fire
His immense spirit fills me like no other
In the eye of the storm, we have become one
My tears fall no more.
The energy is electrifying and intense
The core calls, the eye beckons
Battling the winds and rains
I emerge within the maelstrom
The impossibly dense clouds surround my form
Above he flies, Far he falls
Shock reverberates through my body
His head twists towards me
The pain in his eyes drowns my soul
His tattered wings are no more than mist
The massive claws hang limp from his powerful chest
My tears are warm compared to the cold rain streaking my face
I reach for him and stop as his eyes dim
With one last triumphant roar, he thrusts his mind into mine
And I fall, sinking, floating, nothing makes sense
I'm cold yet my mind is on fire
His immense spirit fills me like no other
In the eye of the storm, we have become one
My tears fall no more.
They speak
Forgotten beneath the sands of time
My statues crumble and no longer stand
The offerings have turned to dust
Silence is the only prayer I hear
I feel the changes of the centuries
Seasons have long come and gone
I seethe in my tomb
Enraged by the pain and the idiocy that is its cause
My rage will purge like the sun's fire
Those true to the Way need not fear
I protect the fierce of heart
I await as the sands slowly sift away
I am the right hand
I am the destroyer of wrongs
Closer and closer the enemies circle
If only they were within my grasp
My strength gathers
My rage spirals
Descending to my core
Waiting to rise
I await beneath a forgotten shrine
Buried beneath the sands of time
-------------------------------------
I walk the paths unknown
Where others stumble and fall
I am fleet and graceful across the stones
I walk silently through the mist shrouded lands
I run where others fear to tread
I am the hunter, never the hunted
I make my own paths
I follow none
The winds from below roar, never touching
I am among my own
Swiftly and silently I come
I stalk my prey with intent
You'll never see me coming
Only through the thundering storms
Shall you hear and know my name
I am everywhere you are not
The shadows are my home
Try and find me if you dare
The night is where I play
The stars my only company
-----------------------------------
I have been known as many and none
I am mother, daughter and sister
I never lie yet am full of deceit
I am forgiveness and vengeance
I am fair but cruel to my enemies
I am barren yet have many children
I am a widow; I am the wife of many
I am a child of the sun
I am the embodiment of the moon
I am the symbol of rebirth
I destroy to save
I rebuild that which is gone
I am the throne, I am the Queen
You have forgotten me
Still you hear me
Whispers in the wind
My wings are the night itself
Do not fear to call me
My fire is not as harsh as the sun
Hear Me.
Feel the magic that is Mine
I am the breath of Life
No longer will you forget
Remember Me.
My statues crumble and no longer stand
The offerings have turned to dust
Silence is the only prayer I hear
I feel the changes of the centuries
Seasons have long come and gone
I seethe in my tomb
Enraged by the pain and the idiocy that is its cause
My rage will purge like the sun's fire
Those true to the Way need not fear
I protect the fierce of heart
I await as the sands slowly sift away
I am the right hand
I am the destroyer of wrongs
Closer and closer the enemies circle
If only they were within my grasp
My strength gathers
My rage spirals
Descending to my core
Waiting to rise
I await beneath a forgotten shrine
Buried beneath the sands of time
-------------------------------------
I walk the paths unknown
Where others stumble and fall
I am fleet and graceful across the stones
I walk silently through the mist shrouded lands
I run where others fear to tread
I am the hunter, never the hunted
I make my own paths
I follow none
The winds from below roar, never touching
I am among my own
Swiftly and silently I come
I stalk my prey with intent
You'll never see me coming
Only through the thundering storms
Shall you hear and know my name
I am everywhere you are not
The shadows are my home
Try and find me if you dare
The night is where I play
The stars my only company
-----------------------------------
I have been known as many and none
I am mother, daughter and sister
I never lie yet am full of deceit
I am forgiveness and vengeance
I am fair but cruel to my enemies
I am barren yet have many children
I am a widow; I am the wife of many
I am a child of the sun
I am the embodiment of the moon
I am the symbol of rebirth
I destroy to save
I rebuild that which is gone
I am the throne, I am the Queen
You have forgotten me
Still you hear me
Whispers in the wind
My wings are the night itself
Do not fear to call me
My fire is not as harsh as the sun
Hear Me.
Feel the magic that is Mine
I am the breath of Life
No longer will you forget
Remember Me.
Random
4-20-10 11:02am
I wait, I long, I crave
How long shall I suffer in your absence?
Nothing comes close to filling the void you left
I’m so cold without you here
I’m scared and alone
Nothing makes sense
Nothing matters at all
I don’t even know who you are
How do you miss someone so terribly?
How do you ache so deeply for a stranger?
I know you
My soul recognizes you
My body craves you
My heart stutters when thinking of you
Only you
I await you
Part 2
It hurts, an ache so deeply ingrained in me
I can’t speak your name when the pain comes
I can’t see your face when the darkness pours in
Overwhelming and blinding is this curse of mine
The despair so profound, it threatens to consume
Tears fall never ending, watch me drown
When I descend, there will be no turning back
Only thoughts of you keep me above the surface
Dreams are all I have left of you.
To sleep forever would be a kinder fate.
Fiction
4-20-10 11:15am
Please take these memories from me
I want to live
I want more than to merely exist
I’m so tired of waiting on a dream
This isn’t reality
My heart is somewhere else
My mind in another time
Please just make the pain stop
Wash away the stains upon my soul
The despair is so heavy I can barely stand
Purge this agony
I can’t take it anymore
I don’t want to remember… anything
Burn my insides, cleanse me of everything
Please kill this love, this dark obsession
I’m so tired of crying
let the skies weep for me
Take it all away, take everything
Let me go. You don’t exist.
You are nothing more than fiction.
A lie. A trick. A false hope.
You are driving me insane.
I can’t love you anymore,
I can’t live like this.
I wait, I long, I crave
How long shall I suffer in your absence?
Nothing comes close to filling the void you left
I’m so cold without you here
I’m scared and alone
Nothing makes sense
Nothing matters at all
I don’t even know who you are
How do you miss someone so terribly?
How do you ache so deeply for a stranger?
I know you
My soul recognizes you
My body craves you
My heart stutters when thinking of you
Only you
I await you
Part 2
It hurts, an ache so deeply ingrained in me
I can’t speak your name when the pain comes
I can’t see your face when the darkness pours in
Overwhelming and blinding is this curse of mine
The despair so profound, it threatens to consume
Tears fall never ending, watch me drown
When I descend, there will be no turning back
Only thoughts of you keep me above the surface
Dreams are all I have left of you.
To sleep forever would be a kinder fate.
Fiction
4-20-10 11:15am
Please take these memories from me
I want to live
I want more than to merely exist
I’m so tired of waiting on a dream
This isn’t reality
My heart is somewhere else
My mind in another time
Please just make the pain stop
Wash away the stains upon my soul
The despair is so heavy I can barely stand
Purge this agony
I can’t take it anymore
I don’t want to remember… anything
Burn my insides, cleanse me of everything
Please kill this love, this dark obsession
I’m so tired of crying
let the skies weep for me
Take it all away, take everything
Let me go. You don’t exist.
You are nothing more than fiction.
A lie. A trick. A false hope.
You are driving me insane.
I can’t love you anymore,
I can’t live like this.
Rehab
I've got a bad habit
involving self-destruction
and broken promises
You want me to see
See myself the way you do
Yet you walk away
they all do eventually
I've got a bad habit
centered on death
and avoidance of life
You want me to live
Live the way you want me to
Who do you think you are?
You think I am lost
You assume I need to be fixed
There's nothing wrong with me
I've just got a bad habit is all
of loving you and hating you
of pushing you away and luring you in
I'm guilty as charged
Maybe I'm just playing with you
I've got problems after all
You want to fix me?
Then don't look back
I've got a bad habit
of self-destructing
Good thing you did it for me
Seems the cycle may be broken
Thanks for rehab...
involving self-destruction
and broken promises
You want me to see
See myself the way you do
Yet you walk away
they all do eventually
I've got a bad habit
centered on death
and avoidance of life
You want me to live
Live the way you want me to
Who do you think you are?
You think I am lost
You assume I need to be fixed
There's nothing wrong with me
I've just got a bad habit is all
of loving you and hating you
of pushing you away and luring you in
I'm guilty as charged
Maybe I'm just playing with you
I've got problems after all
You want to fix me?
Then don't look back
I've got a bad habit
of self-destructing
Good thing you did it for me
Seems the cycle may be broken
Thanks for rehab...
Dreamer
I wander this path
Your image floating ahead
elusive and fleeting
I can never quite reach
the veils are never shed
Within a daze
stumbling through
falling and crawling
If only to touch your face
to feel your eyes upon mine
your lips against my neck
Safely within your arms
Peace would finally come
My soul to rest at ease
My hand upon your chest
the song of heart
beneath my fingertips
The heat of your skin
Forever more... my sanctuary
Bodies intertwined
our lives merged whole
A heavenly smile to
tilt the world
Laughter washes away past sins
And upon day's break
the light shinning through the trees
resting upon your slumbering form
Hope is embedded in a heart
No longer worn and scarred
Hours seeming an eternity
yet already we've come so far
Happiness is a cautious thing
easy to suddenly flee
Leaving me lost upon a broken path
circling once more around a heart's desire
Dreams and hopes
gracefully coming and going
throughout our lives
What is this part of me
which clings so deeply to your soul?
Its gets so hard to gaze upon your face
for the fear of loss is strong
This broken path is full of wrong steps
treacherous turns and dead ends
One single stone, one voice to lead the way
One dream of a love untold
guides this weary heart
Your being is my anchor
My very existence belongs to you
Be gentle, for this soul is fragile
Take care with my heart
For I would surely wither
without your guiding light
Pale as the moonlit path
I stumble upon
Chasing my elusive dream...
A dream of perfect love.
Your image floating ahead
elusive and fleeting
I can never quite reach
the veils are never shed
Within a daze
stumbling through
falling and crawling
If only to touch your face
to feel your eyes upon mine
your lips against my neck
Safely within your arms
Peace would finally come
My soul to rest at ease
My hand upon your chest
the song of heart
beneath my fingertips
The heat of your skin
Forever more... my sanctuary
Bodies intertwined
our lives merged whole
A heavenly smile to
tilt the world
Laughter washes away past sins
And upon day's break
the light shinning through the trees
resting upon your slumbering form
Hope is embedded in a heart
No longer worn and scarred
Hours seeming an eternity
yet already we've come so far
Happiness is a cautious thing
easy to suddenly flee
Leaving me lost upon a broken path
circling once more around a heart's desire
Dreams and hopes
gracefully coming and going
throughout our lives
What is this part of me
which clings so deeply to your soul?
Its gets so hard to gaze upon your face
for the fear of loss is strong
This broken path is full of wrong steps
treacherous turns and dead ends
One single stone, one voice to lead the way
One dream of a love untold
guides this weary heart
Your being is my anchor
My very existence belongs to you
Be gentle, for this soul is fragile
Take care with my heart
For I would surely wither
without your guiding light
Pale as the moonlit path
I stumble upon
Chasing my elusive dream...
A dream of perfect love.
Intro
We are but words breathed unto
a silent page of shadowed windows.
Reflections of a bleeding soul,
waiting for a dream to hold,
behind the eyes of sorrow.
a silent page of shadowed windows.
Reflections of a bleeding soul,
waiting for a dream to hold,
behind the eyes of sorrow.
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