Who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore.  I used to write, paint and draw.  I used to hike mountains hung over from all the whiskey the night before. I used to get lost in anime and books for days at a time. I used to find any reason to dance and surround myself with music.
Now I rarely remember to eat dinner much less put on make up or fix my hair. My nights consist of laundry and saying 'no' constantly. That amazing feeling of sitting down after 12 hours of running all day. Realizing how fast time has flown already.
I know how to make a child giggle and squee in delight. That laughter is the balm that soothes my aching body. The tickle monster never needs to stop and rest. I read small books in funny voices and chase the shadows away. I've learned patience and the meaning of unconditional love.
Who am I? I am Mommy, the one who always knows what's best. The one who can kiss even the worst boo boos away. I am a mom, a mother wolf protecting her cub.
One day when you're older I will share what I used to love to do with you. I will teach you the tricks to surviving this world. We will kick ass together and take on the world. You are my son and I could imagine no other.
Who am I? Your Mommy.

My Fix

As your feet move towards my body
It gets louder and louder
The beating of my heart
It's all I can hear, can you?
My body hums with anticipation
As you draw ever closer
One touch is all it takes
I am lost once more
A moments respite in your arms
And I come undone
Like a dog begging for scraps
I come back for more and more
I even like the taste of my will caving in
Keep it coming, come on, don't stop now
What makes you so special?
Nothing I haven't invented
You made that clear when you walked away
Yet you strung me along
With doubts and second thoughts
Such a sweet collaboration
You got the power and I got the shame
Just one more, just one more touch
My armor melts away beneath your fingertips
My shields crash and fall, shattering like glass
Or is that my heart? Breaking once more?
Stop touching me, please
I just pieced it back together
You said you weren't ready
I'm ready and you keep enticing
Will you forever be my craving?
Will you feed the beast you created?
No, I didn't think so.
I'm on the hunt, so just let go.
Im not a junkie for your love

Dawning

I have waited. I have yearned.
Memories of what was, Dreams of what may
Were all that kept me sane.
Time and time again. 
I tried to forget, I pushed and fought.
Desperate to escape the past 
and forge forward anew.
But what am I without you? Half of a person.
Half of me and half of you. Never whole.
For the void you left is an infinite abyss.
I used to dream of you every night 
and dread the dawn's approach.
Always being torn from you,
Ripped from my heart.
I can't breathe at the thought of losing you again.
I cling tight and hold you close.  
The darkness of dreams our sanctuary.
I breathe you in...
And once more dread the dawn's light.

Purity found within a child's eyes. Replicas of my own. Now I see myself, I see everything I've lost and gained. Every mistake and triumph. That tiny hand reaches out, a playful smile upon pink lips. A warmth I've never known spreads throughout. The cold numbness, my blanket, my shield, dissolves in an instant. I'm bewitched. Enchanted. Lost. Forever more. This is my world. His happiness suddenly all that matters. Where did I go? I don't even care. I was nothing before. A shadow of a person. Now this tiny person grows and consumes me. I'm better than before. He is my world.